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As you may have gathered, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey. On form that is. On form, I will stand on a stage and sing away, these days with increasingly less insecurity. Two years of walking down the street, singing with the small, does make one a tad shameless.

I am also very aware of how people interrupt that. I was thinking yesterday, whether it was worth trying to market a site to the slightly better off than average. I don’t know about you, but I have looked at lads mags and been frankly appalled by their lack of imagination. They wouldn’t understand why burlesque works, why it’s about empowerment as much as sexuality. And bluntly I know many collectors of the lower end porn market, who wouldn’t know what to do with a woman if she was begging for it.

As a woman, I find there is this bizarre sort of take on me, because I am very outspoken, I speak out about male on male rape in prison, I am pro single dads, I try regularly to remind the rest of the world, their are single dads, they do a good job, don’t judge them cause they are not a chick.

At the same time though, I find the fact that if I want to look sexy, there is stigma attached to that. I have no problem with getting naked – i’d rather of showered first. It’s not even the people seeing the image that bothers me. I am accepting that everybody is somebody’s reason to masturbate, and some of us are masturbated about more often than others. My clothes on or off, actually make little difference to that ratio. If a guy didn’t fancy me before I got my kit of, he’s not going to change his mind after about my rate of sexiness. He’ll just assumed he’s about to get laid.

I have been thinking hard about the Perceptions series I want to do and Dangerous Art. I know there are other women, who feel the same as me, why shouldn’t they have access to their own sexuality and why shouldn’t they pose sexily if they want to? Why does it have to be about what a man necessarily wants?

I have thought a lot about it. I am not interested in any porn offers sorry guys, my acting skills do not extend to faking it and frankly the porn I have seen, does imply a lot of guys, cannot tell when a woman is faking it. Or when her motivations for the sex, is actually purely the cash. The ‘star’ is not thinking about these guys banging her, she’s thinking about the pay check and what shoes she’s going to buy and did she leave the kettle on?

Men are often quite horrified, to realize, that their wife or woman’s mind is on anything but them doing sex. Bit of an ego blow, to realize she’s fantasizing about someone different doing the things she wants – more often than not. To women, the fantasy element is more important than the actual act itself. She’ll probably love her guy.

Lot of guys also struggle with the fact, it’s not that most women hate porn, because there is sex on a screen or some shit like that. I swear women talk more about sex, more graphically than men, more often and more articulately, than men. Frankly, it’s often on what the neighbors have been up to, condemnation or secret admiration, envy.

Why do a lot of women like chick lit – fantasy element. Men’s porn tends to have all the subtly and grace of a tap dancing elephant. Men’s images of women, if you look, tend to be the same poses without much variation but different girl. Which is fine if that’s the kind of guy you are. Hardly inspiring, you’ll have ever worked through the Karma Sultra but hey.

Thinking about this, has made me grasp why photographers who do high risquĂ© photos are often better than those selling to the mags. Bluntly, they are often male, but they have had more sex than your usual staff at a mans mag. They’ve gone past the boring. Moved on. They’ve dated a lot. They’ve gone past the ‘oh she’s naked, how exciting’ stage.

Problem is, how do you justify hiring someone to help you with photography – presuming it goes well, and say on the job requirements ‘must of had a lot of sex and realize mens mags are boring to women. Piss boring. Not so much offensive as boring and unimaginative.’

Also if I decide to go close to the edge with photography, how many times would I have to explain to social services ‘No we are not doing a brothel, we are posing, pretending for an image, that women don’t look and go. YAWN’ small child, therefore is preventing my burlesque career. I will remind her of that when I am old and she’s trying to get me in the home. ‘You stopped my burlesque ambitions. I could have made loads of extra income to buy more materials. But you stopped me. Damn you child.’

Just some thoughts.

Bex

@ItstartswithBee

https://www.facebook.com/itstartswithbee.org

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